Change

Where to start. A lot has happened in the past 13 days! Job searching, family coming into town, Christmas, and starting a new job. I will have to break it up into a few posts due to lack of time, but since I know my mother-in-law is dying to know about my first day at my new job, I will start with that.

I knew when I left my last job in October that I would want to take off a full 12 weeks after Lauryn was born to be with her. So I decided I would start applying for jobs in November in hopes of starting something mid-January. As some of you may or may not know, I am an RN (a new one!) I graduated from nursing school in May and passed my state boards in July. Obviously in July I was 7 months pregnant, so I knew no one would want to hire me. Here in Jacksonville everyone wants an experienced RN... so I KNEW no one would hire an inexperienced, heavily pregnant RN! Taking 12 weeks off work would be difficult financially, but I knew the pros would outweigh the cons.

I started applying for jobs end of November. After a couple weeks I started to get nervous because I wasn't getting ANY call backs. So, I started asking some friends from nursing school who had found jobs to see if their place of employment was hiring. One of my friends works for a home health agency and she said they needed PRN nurses. So, I called and the director wanted to interview me right away... so I interviewed last Thursday! After a 10 minute interview she offered me the job. I was shocked. Not only was it a quick, easy interview, but the pay is WAY more than I thought I would make starting out... almost double what I had predicted.

My first day was today, but all we did was go over policies and procedures, and discuss the PDA that we would use to document and access patient records. It was a very tedious and exhausting day, but I am so excited! Tomorrow I start training with one of the experienced home health nurses. I will be going around with her all day tomorrow. I think I will only train for a couple weeks before I am on my own.

The other great thing is that there will be two full-time positions opening up after the 1st of the year. Great pay, great benefits. I couldn't ask for more. Hopefully the nursing director will consider me for one of the full-time positions.

In the end, I am sad to have given up my last two weeks with Lauryn, but I know it is for a good cause. I told her tonight as I rocked her to sleep, "Please don't forget me. I won't be around as much, but I will be thinking about you all day long. I love you so much, and I'm only gone so that I can make sure you have everything you need." I bawled my eyes out as I watched her fall asleep.

Change... it's tough.

To my husband on our anniversary

Jimmy,

I figure I could write you a letter, too, since you and Lauryn are the two most important people in my life.

I can't believe it has already been 3 years that we have been married. Even crazier is that we have known each other for 6 years! To some people this may not sound like a long time, but to me each year is an accomplishment that a lot of married couples don't reach.

I am so thankful to have you in my life. I have a sense of security with you that no one else can offer. I know 100% without a doubt that you will come home to me every day. I know 100% without a doubt that you love me. I know 100% without a doubt that you love Lauryn. I know 100% without a doubt that you will continue to provide for us, even when things get tough or we have unexpected things happen. You always make things work, and I love you for that, because I never have to worry (and as we both know, I worry a lot to begin with!)

Thank you for being patient with me, and loving me unconditionally, or as you say, for loving me with a Godly love (you may not remember telling me that a while back, but it was profound to me that you felt like you loved me the way God loves me... without judgment, without conditions.) I hope you know I love you the same. I hope I have showed it to you enough this year, and I hope I continue to show you how much I love you.

Thank you for an amazing year!

Love,
Rachel

Letter to my baby girl - 2 months old

Lauryn,

Happy two months old day! Please stop growing up so fast. I feel like I JUST wrote your 1 month letter, and now you are 2 months! When I was pregnant with you I begged time to go faster, but now I want it to slow wayyyyy down. I only have 1 more month with you until I go back to work, and then I won't get to be with you every day and see all the little changes that are happening.

You have amazed me in the past month with all the new things you are doing. You are holding your head up on your own, unless you are tired, then you lay it on my shoulder. You are smiling so much now, although you still don't smile reactively to me yet, you little stinker. You smile for daddy, grandma, grandpa, aunt Erika and even your pediatrician! I won't take offense though. I take it as a compliment... you are comfortable with me, used to me, and you only smile at new people, or people you don't see a lot. The pediatrician promised me that I would get a reactive smile by Christmas... that would be a nice Christmas present from you!

I can't get over how much you have grown. At your 2 week check-up you weighed 8lbs 1oz. At your 2 months check-up you weighed 11lbs 11oz!! You are in the 74th percentile for weight, 68th percentile for head circumference (down from the 99th percentile at your 2 week check-up!) and 93rd percentile for length (you are now 23.75 inches long! You grew 3.75 inches since birth!). You are cooing a lot more now, too. Sometimes I think you fuss just to hear your voice.

You have also discovered your hands. You like to ball them up and suck on them. When you first started doing this I thought it was because you were hungry, but I have learned that you just love your hands! They must taste good :o)

The best thing that has happened the past month is that I have realized how much you are loved. Not just by me and daddy, because that is a give-in, but by grandpa, grandma and aunt Erika. They simply adore you. I love to watch their faces light up when they see you. I love to watch them interact with you and I love listening to them laugh at the cute faces you make. Grandpa likes to give you "whisker rubs" on your face because you give him the funniest responses. We all just love you to pieces, Lauryn! You will get to meet your other grandma and grandpa in a few days, and I am so excited because I get to watch two more people fall in love with you.

Thank you for changing my life for the better, Lauryn. My days are sweeter, my dreams happier and my life has more meaning because of you!

Love,
Mommy

Picture post

Lauryn fell asleep on the couch all swaddled. She always manages to get at least one of her hands out, that sneaky baby!
Lauryn and Charley (a friend's 10 month old - isn't he huge for 10 months??) with Santa
Lauryn and Charley again. Note: Lauryn is looking at me and Charley is looking at his mommy, haha!
Me, Lauryn and Jimmy with Santa! I told him I didn't want anything else this year, that I got the best gift ever on October 14th :o)
My Christmas gift with Santa.

8 weeks old

Hahahaha. This is Lauryn in her new bear jacket. She wasn't too sure what to do with her arms, so she just held REALLY still and stared at me, like "Mom, please take this silly thing off now!"

LOVE HER SO MUCH!

7 weeks old

Lauryn is 7 weeks old as of Thursday but I didn't get around to taking an official picture until today... but here is my beautiful 7 week old girl!



And in case you were wondering... she is sitting on our new NON ABSORBENT leather sofa! My husband is good to me.

Thanks to our youngest dog, Ci Ci, our cute slip cover sofa and chair had been peed on one too many times. We are storing them at my parents house until we get a bigger house, then we will buy new cushions and use it in our den that we will hopefully have lol.

Best Time of Year

This is the best time of year, in my opinion. I am filled with such a joyful feeling. I don't know if it's the cooler, crisper weather, or the fact that everyone else is excited about the holidays and it's contagious, but I just love it! It's the only time of year I actually don't mind my picture being taken - I love doing photo Christmas cards! I didn't do one last year, but we did the year before (our first Christmas as a married couple). That year was a great year: we were newlyweds and we had our first "baby" - our Jack Russell, Bella! We had many outtakes for this picture, obviously, but the one we settled on was of her yawning. We thought it was so funny! Here is that picture:


This year is even more special. We have a little baby to include in our Christmas picture! As you all know, it took us nearly 2 years and lots of frustration and tears to get our bundle of joy. Last Christmas was not the happiest Christmas. We had been trying to get pregnant for a year and I couldn't help but feel sorry for myself that we didn't have a baby to share the holidays with. Everyone around me was getting pregnant within a month or two of trying... some were getting pregnant without trying! So why was it so hard for us? I had wanted to be a mother my whole life. I did everything right... college, marriage, house... where was my baby? Little did I know, the very next year I would get my wish. I can't wait to portray our first Christmas as a family via beautiful photo Christmas cards from Shutterfly.com. This year they have a HUGE selection. I couldn't even make it through all of the pages of wonderful options before I fell in love with this one: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/cards-stationery/merry-blossoms-christmas-card?sortType=1&storeNode=93476

I like this one because it is simple, yet beautiful. I want one that just utilizes one picture, since we are taking a family photo (with the dogs, too!) I like the combination of brown and red and I just love the design!

For other great Christmas photo cards, go to: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-photo-cards

Don't celebrate Christmas? They have a selection of holiday cards, too: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/holiday-cards

Don't forget about photo calenders, which make a great gift for grandparents: http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars

Thanksgiving

It's a little late, but technically it still counts as Thanksgiving since I have yet to go to bed!

You all know one of the things I am thankful for this year... my sweet baby girl. She has brought so much joy to my life and makes me thankful for such simple things every day... like holding her, staring at her, changing her diaper, feeding her, playing with her. I am just thankful to be her mother, and thankful that she is healthy and happy.

I am also thankful for my husband. We have been through a lot in our 6 year relationship. We have endured separation of the worst kind - when he was deployed to Iraq for 8 months. We have been through trying situations in our relationship and have always come out stronger. We have been through infertility and now have a beautiful baby and so much love in our family. Even though a day doesn't go by where I don't get frustrated with him, I am so thankful for him and I fall more in love with him each day. I am thankful we are about to celebrate 3 years of marriage next month :o)

I am thankful for my amazing parents. They have been there for me every single time I have needed them and have always supported me in every decision I make, and have always been there to help me when one of my decisions was a bad one. They are honest, loving and so much fun to be around. I am thankful to have spent another delicious Thanksgiving with them, and I hope I have many more Thanksgivings to spend with them both.

I am thankful for my sister, Erika, even if she is a pain in my ass sometimes. She may not know it, but I look up to her for a lot of things. I love her free spirit and envy her high energy level (and she doesn't drink coffee!) I think she keeps all of us going sometimes. I envy her beauty and her innocence (yes, some 26 year old still have innocence!) I love her "can't knock me down" attitude. She has had an extremely difficult year, but she is still smiling.

Lastly, I am thankful that, in spite of the CRAZY year Jimmy and I have had with the cost of school, job losses and new little family members, that we have been able to pay every bill and have food on the table. I know not every family has been as lucky in this crazy economy, so I am thankful that we are still scraping by :o)

God has been good to me this year!

With her great grandma today on Thanksgiving:


With the doctor who delivered her this past Tuesday:


Swaddled and sleeping peacefully in her crib:


With her grandma (my mom) last weekend:

Christmas outfit and Shutterfly Offer

I wanted to post pictures of Lauryn from Saturday. I put her in one of her Christmas dresses because we went to the lighting of the Christmas tree at our beautiful new outdoor mall here in Jacksonville called the St. Johns Town Center. They had live music, a ton of activities for kids, an arts market, and of course shopping! The big surprise before lighting the tree was a live performance by Vertical Horizon. They played one of my favorite songs "Best I Ever Had (Grey Sky Morning)". Here are the lyrics:

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

Nothing's quite the same now
I just say your name now

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't want me back
You're just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I'm just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
You don't need me back
You're just the best I ever had

And it may take some time to
Patch me up inside
But I can't take it so I
Run away and hide
And I may find in time that
You were always right
You're always right

So you sailed away
Into a grey sky morning
Now I'm here to stay
Love can be so boring

What was it you wanted
Could it be I'm haunted

[Chorus]
But it's not so bad
You're only the best I ever had
I don't want you back
You're just the best I ever had
The best I ever had
The best I ever

They also played "Everything You Want" which is another great song by them.

Anyway, I also wanted to blog about a promotion Shutterfly is having. If I blog about them, I get 50 free holiday cards! I don't think they are picture cards, but I could be wrong. I am waiting on an e-mail from them with exactly what it is. Anyway, just go here: http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery to check out their new holiday collection. I have made photobooks and have done holiday cards through them before. They are extremely affordable and nice! I recommend them if you want photo holiday cards or if you want to do your own photobook.

Here is my little Lauryn in her Christmas outfit:

Letter to my baby girl - 1 month old

Lauryn,
Happy one month old day! I can't believe it has already been a whole month. To say you have changed my life would be an understatement. You have made each day so precious. You have made each morning the best morning I have ever had. I wake up and hear you crying for me and I am instantly filled with so much love for you. Sometimes I try and remember what it was like before you got here, and I honestly can't remember.

My favorite thing these days is when someone else is holding you, or when you are in your crib or in your swing and you start to cry the cry that only I know: it's the cry you cry when you want me. You will cry until I pick you up and hold your head against my chest and talk to you. You stop crying once you hear me and you hold very still, and then you curl up into me and close your eyes. It is one of the best feelings to know that sometimes I am the only thing you want and need.

Another thing I love is kissing your chubby cheeks, and your tiny hands, and your little feet. You are truly the most adorable thing I have ever seen. You make the silliest faces, and you have so many different faces. You like to pucker your lips and open your eyes really wide - you do this when you hear a familiar voice, and when you are pooping (haha)! You have your sad face - you make the cutest little frown with pouty little lips. Usually I can make you happy again before the sad face turns into a cry, but even when you cry it's adorable. Then you have your happy face - you smile really big, and even though everyone says smiles at this age are just reflexes - I think they are real.

Lauryn, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I prayed for you for so long, and truly believed I would never get to experience being a mother. Let me tell you now that you were well worth the wait. You are perfect, and no matter what happens, no matter what you do or say, I will be here for you and love you forever.

Happy one month!

Love,
Mommy

Lauryn Update

I haven't talked about my baby in a while. I've been slacking in the blogging department, not that anyone reads my blog anyway... but at least I have all my thoughts down for her to read one day :o)

So, Lauryn is doing great. Every day we get more comfortable and used to each other. We are getting into a pretty good routine. Each day she goes to bed and sleeps for her 6-hour stretch a little earlier. Thanks to daylight savings, that time is now midnight! Hooray! This may sound late to most of you, but it used to be 2:00am to 2:30am. She has this insane 3 to 4 hour awake period at night. I don't understand it. She has another 2 to 3 hour awake period in the late morning. The rest of the day she sleeps, and wakes only to eat and get her diaper changed. Oh, and we moved her into her room last night because all of her little noises were keeping me up at night. We are both sleeping much better now!

The funniest thing about this baby is her farting. I mean, this kid can pass some gas! She wakes up and starts grunting, trying to poop, and she literally farts like 20 times. Loud farts. Louder than I have ever farted... seriously. I was so concerned about it that I asked the pediatrician, who said it's normal (while laughing at me).

Anyway, her first Halloween was good. We went to a pumpkin patch by our house and got 3 little pumpkins... one for each of us. We were going to decorate them with markers and stickers but never got around to it... and Halloween is over so they are just a nice fall decoration on the ledge by our stairs. Then we took her to my parents' house (in her little monkey suit, picture below) and hung out for a while, watching the trick-or-treaters come up to my sister's "haunted garage". She had it decked out and was dressed up to scare the kids.

That is about all I have to update on. She is a pretty chill baby. She only cries when she is hungry, and sometimes when she just wants mommy to cuddle with her. She was 8lb 1oz at her 2 week check-up which means she gained a whole 15oz in 10 days (she was 7lb 2oz at her 4 day check-up)... which is amazing considering they only look for newborns to gain 1/2oz to 1oz each day... so Lauryn gained way more than that! They were impressed since I breastfeed exclusively, especially since her birth weight was 7lb 1oz and they typically lose 10% of that within the first couple of days after birth... most babies are lucky to be back up to their birth weight for their 2 week check-up. Anyway, enough bragging about my awesome breastfeeding. I will be doing a special "letter to Lauryn" post on Thursday since my baby will be 4 weeks/1 month old! I plan to write a letter to her each month. So, until Thursday... have a great week!

PS - I forgot my exciting news: I am only 5lbs away from pre-pregnancy weight and I am BACK INTO MY PRE-PREGNANCY PANTS!! Go me! I think it's crazy that I gained 37 lbs while pregnant and in less than 4 weeks I have lost 32 lbs. I came home from the hospital and had only lost 12 lbs from the birth... then over the next week I literally lost 10 lbs of what I can only assume is water weight (I was SO SWOLLEN!) and then the remaining 10 lbs I am assuming is fat. Anyway, I am super excited about this! I can't wait to impress my doctor at my 6 week check-up. My goal is to be back to my pre-pregnancy weight by then (November 23rd)! Oh, and the gestational diabetes is also gone. I checked my blood sugar for a day after I got home, and it was completely back to normal. I hope that gives some reassurance to those of you out there with gestational diabetes!

For your viewing pleasure, my little monkey:

Newborn Photo Shoot

Here are more pictures from Lauryn's newborn photo shoot. I am in love with every single picture! There is one of my husband and I, a few of me with her and then the other couple is my parents :o)

Newborn Photos

We had our newborn photo session this morning. The photographer, Kelly Jones (kajonesphotography.com), already posted a sneak peak picture:

Look at our beautiful girl!

More to come as soon as she posts them!!! :o)

First week with Lauryn

So far this first week is going well. She sleeps ALL the time and hardly ever cries. We had to wake her up for feedings her first couple of nights home until we got a clean bill of health from the pediatrician on Monday. Now, I don't wake her up at night. If she wakes up, I will feed her, but otherwise I will get up around 8:00 and wake her up to feed her, and then during the day I work on breastfeeding her every 2 to 3 hours. So far she is sleeping through the night! Crazy.

The most frustrating part for me so far has been breastfeeding. I never knew it could be so hard. My milk didn't come in until yesterday (4 days after I had her!) so we had no choice but to formula feed her since her bilirubin levels were a little high. The more a baby eats, poops and pees, the better the bilirubin level gets, so you better believe I was feeding this baby like crazy! The downfall is that she got used to the bottle nipples that made the milk practically pour into her mouth and all she had to do was swallow, so sucking for a few seconds before milk comes is foreign to her. Anyway, I pumped every 2 hours until finally I had a decent milk supply and then I talked with a lactation consultant today for some tips on how to get her to latch on. I ended up buying a Medela nipple shield, which is a silicon nipple that you put over your nipple and it sucks your nipple up into it. Then the baby sucks on that and it is more like a bottle for them. It is a nice transition from bottle to breast. Eventually you stop using the nipple shield, but this will take some time. So far it is working GREAT! I am still giving her breast milk in a Breastflow Bottle and she gets formula a couple times each day to make it easier on me time-wise, but I hope to have her exclusively on breast milk by the weekend. We will see!

Here are some pictures of my pretty girl from this week:

Lauryn Irene is here!

My beautiful girl popped out at 7:24pm on October 14th. She weighed 7lb 1oz. and was 20 inches long. Here is a quick birth story before you see the pictures so you understand the sad picture:

As most of you know, labor was induced on Thursday morning due to the gestational diabetes I had. They were worried the baby would get too big if they let me go past 38 weeks, even though I kept my blood sugars almost completely controlled the whole pregnancy (go me!!).

So, the pitocin was started and my water was broken by 8:00AM, and I was already 4cm dilated by this time. The contractions I started to have were really bad... way worse than what I thought contractions would be... so I wimped out pretty quickly and got an epidural, which I later learned it was so painful because I was having back labor (more on this later). My epidural was in by 10:00am and by about 11:00am I was "6 or 7cm and completely effaced." They were supposed to check me again around 1:00pm but apparently the flood gates opened and a bunch of women came into the hospital in labor and they were short staffed. They didn't check me again until 3:00pm and I was 10cm, but the baby was still up pretty high at +1, so they repositioned me to try and get gravity to help bring her down, and after calling my doctor to let her know I was ready, they had me start pushing.

My doctor was supposed to be there in 30 minutes, but she didn't get there for about an hour, and I had been pushing this whole time. I pushed a total of 2 hours (1 hour with the nurse and 1 hour with my doctor) to no avail before my doctor decided to check how Lauryn was positioned. This was about the time that my epidural STOPPED WORKING! I can't even begin to tell you the pain that took over my body. Nothing mattered anymore. I was cussing at everyone and screaming for them to just get "it" out, lol. I honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack. I was begging for a c-section by this time. The anesthesiologist came in and put a bolus of lidocaine into my epidural, but it didn't help at all. Turns out Lauryn was face up and her nose was caught on my pubic bone, and this was causing so much trauma that even the epidural couldn't mask the pain. My doctor quickly decided that she needed to use the vacuum to turn her head so she could come out. This worked great, and after about another 20 minutes of me pushing and the doctor using the vacuum, Lauryn came into the world weighing 7lb 1oz. and 20 inches long (so glad she was a normal size!)

Unfortunately, the vacuum not only gave her the typical red swollen area on her head, but it gave her a good sized laceration, which looked MUCH worse directly after being born than it did after the swelling went down. I am only posting one picture of Lauryn directly after she was born because it breaks my heart to look at and she is perfectly fine now! She had to spend the first night in the NICU to make sure she wasn't bleeding in her head, and they are still watching her bilirubin levels closely, but she is in perfect shape!

Anyway, it was one of the most painful and traumatizing things I have ever had to do, and though I would have told you otherwise in those moments, it was SO worth it. I would do it all over again for this little baby. I will end this story by saying: if you have ever doubted that God exists, just experience pregnancy and childbirth. It is amazing, surreal, life changing... there just isn't a word appropriate to describe it. Jimmy and I are so happy and content! Thank you to everyone who prayed for us!

Without further adieu, Lauryn Irene:

The laceration and her swollen right eye. Poor baby girl!











And of course, what birth story is complete without a shot of the post-pregnancy belly. I am amazed at how much it went down so fast.