Lucky

I've been thinking today about how lucky we (Jimmy and I) are. I didn't think this when we were going through the infertility process... in fact, I thought we were very UNlucky back in those days. It is easy to dwell on the bad and not see the good in things, but now that I am pregnant, I am seeing God's bigger picture behind everything.

1) School. If we had gotten pregnant right away last year when we started trying, the baby would have been born before I finished nursing school. Now, of course I realized this back then, but I really thought I would be able to finish, even with a newborn. I see now how wrong I was. Just finding out I am pregnant has preoccupied me and kept me from working as hard on my school work like I used to. I missed 2 days of class (and class is only once a week) since finding out, and my head has just been in the clouds. I got an 82 on my last test as a result, and this weekend, I didn't meet a single one of my goals. Did I finish my paper? No. Did I get all my laundry done? No. Actually, I did meet one goal: I went to church. Anyway, God knew this. God knows how I am, and he knew that if he gave us a child right away, that I wouldn't finish nursing school, and that would be bad.

2) Money. That should be all I have to say, but I will expand on that. Jimmy and I have never really been bad off when it comes to money. Even when I quit my job at the law office in 2008, and inspite of the job market at that time, I found a job right away. It wasn't paying as much as I was making (in fact, we took about a $10,000 hit), but we some how made it through, and didn't even notice the missing money. Then I got into nursing school and had to quit working all together. Finding a part-time job in 2009 proved to be more difficult. Somehow, we made it through. Then Jimmy started applying to the police academy, and we figured he was a shoe-in. We thought for sure he would be in the July 2009 class. July came and went. We thought for SURE he would be in the October class. October came and went. This is when we started to sweat a little. Now nonbelievers may think that it was just a coincidence that Jimmy got into the January 2010 class, allowing him to finish his bachelor's degree and graduated in December 2009, and they may think that it's a coincidence that I fell pregnant on that very next cycle and learning I was pregnant on February 16th, but no, it was the hand of God working meticulously in our lives, telling us "now, now is the perfect time." I am still worried about finding a nursing job in June, since I will be over 4 months pregnant and surely showing, but if I have learned anything from this experience, it is to trust God's plan.

3) Patience. This has taught me a lot about patience. I feel like I was very patient during the whole year I waited. I shed tears and felt sorry for myself a few times, but for the most part I went on living life, and even found it in myself to be happy for other girls who were falling pregnant before me (i.e., my friend Sarah, who I threw a beautiful baby shower for). I learned more from this experience that patience truly IS a virtue. God teaches us patience every day. This morning in church was a very powerful message. And it is no coincidence that it is the first message Jimmy and I heard after finding out we were pregnant. The pastor started off the service by telling us a story from the bible about a man who had a fig tree in his vineyard that did not bear fruit and he wanted to cut it down. The keeper of the vineyard told him to "give it one more year". It took us almost exactly one year to the day to get pregnant (bear fruit). Had I given up (cut down the fig tree) and not had patience (waited a year) I would not be experiencing this now.

Now back to how I feel we are lucky. Aside from the reasons listed above, we are lucky because it only took one year. Soooo many couples deal with infertility for YEARS. Some fall pregnant after 5, 6, 7 or 8 years, sometimes longer. And some never fall pregnant. This realization makes me feel guilty for ever having had self-pity, but at the same time, it hurts just as much as it hurts the next infertile women, whether it be one year, or several.

As an ending note: we get our first ultrasound on March 12th, which is only 12 days away! I can't wait to see that heartbeat!