Lucky

I've been thinking today about how lucky we (Jimmy and I) are. I didn't think this when we were going through the infertility process... in fact, I thought we were very UNlucky back in those days. It is easy to dwell on the bad and not see the good in things, but now that I am pregnant, I am seeing God's bigger picture behind everything.

1) School. If we had gotten pregnant right away last year when we started trying, the baby would have been born before I finished nursing school. Now, of course I realized this back then, but I really thought I would be able to finish, even with a newborn. I see now how wrong I was. Just finding out I am pregnant has preoccupied me and kept me from working as hard on my school work like I used to. I missed 2 days of class (and class is only once a week) since finding out, and my head has just been in the clouds. I got an 82 on my last test as a result, and this weekend, I didn't meet a single one of my goals. Did I finish my paper? No. Did I get all my laundry done? No. Actually, I did meet one goal: I went to church. Anyway, God knew this. God knows how I am, and he knew that if he gave us a child right away, that I wouldn't finish nursing school, and that would be bad.

2) Money. That should be all I have to say, but I will expand on that. Jimmy and I have never really been bad off when it comes to money. Even when I quit my job at the law office in 2008, and inspite of the job market at that time, I found a job right away. It wasn't paying as much as I was making (in fact, we took about a $10,000 hit), but we some how made it through, and didn't even notice the missing money. Then I got into nursing school and had to quit working all together. Finding a part-time job in 2009 proved to be more difficult. Somehow, we made it through. Then Jimmy started applying to the police academy, and we figured he was a shoe-in. We thought for sure he would be in the July 2009 class. July came and went. We thought for SURE he would be in the October class. October came and went. This is when we started to sweat a little. Now nonbelievers may think that it was just a coincidence that Jimmy got into the January 2010 class, allowing him to finish his bachelor's degree and graduated in December 2009, and they may think that it's a coincidence that I fell pregnant on that very next cycle and learning I was pregnant on February 16th, but no, it was the hand of God working meticulously in our lives, telling us "now, now is the perfect time." I am still worried about finding a nursing job in June, since I will be over 4 months pregnant and surely showing, but if I have learned anything from this experience, it is to trust God's plan.

3) Patience. This has taught me a lot about patience. I feel like I was very patient during the whole year I waited. I shed tears and felt sorry for myself a few times, but for the most part I went on living life, and even found it in myself to be happy for other girls who were falling pregnant before me (i.e., my friend Sarah, who I threw a beautiful baby shower for). I learned more from this experience that patience truly IS a virtue. God teaches us patience every day. This morning in church was a very powerful message. And it is no coincidence that it is the first message Jimmy and I heard after finding out we were pregnant. The pastor started off the service by telling us a story from the bible about a man who had a fig tree in his vineyard that did not bear fruit and he wanted to cut it down. The keeper of the vineyard told him to "give it one more year". It took us almost exactly one year to the day to get pregnant (bear fruit). Had I given up (cut down the fig tree) and not had patience (waited a year) I would not be experiencing this now.

Now back to how I feel we are lucky. Aside from the reasons listed above, we are lucky because it only took one year. Soooo many couples deal with infertility for YEARS. Some fall pregnant after 5, 6, 7 or 8 years, sometimes longer. And some never fall pregnant. This realization makes me feel guilty for ever having had self-pity, but at the same time, it hurts just as much as it hurts the next infertile women, whether it be one year, or several.

As an ending note: we get our first ultrasound on March 12th, which is only 12 days away! I can't wait to see that heartbeat!

5 week survey

Picture:
Obviously not showing yet! lol
How far along? 5 Weeks
Total weight gain/loss: Down 3 lbs. since becoming pregnant
Maternity clothes? Wearing maternity jeans just because I can and they are comfy :o)
Sleep: Some nights great, some nights bad
Best moment this week: Telling everyone that we are pregnant!
Movement: None yet, too early
Food cravings: Salty things and meat
Gender: Don't know yet!
Labor Signs: No way!
Belly Button in or out? Still in obviously, lol
What I miss: Eating deli meat :o(
What I am looking forward to: Our first ultrasound in 2 and a half weeks!
Weekly Wisdom: Don't stress out. God has a plan!
Milestones: Um, being pregnant!

Week 4: Wag that tail!

embryo in first month

By the end of this week the round and pointy ends of your little pear-shaped baby will be slightly more exaggerated and their body will look more like that of a miniature manatee. Despite your baby not looking particularly human without any eyes, ears or mouth, the earliest developments of what will become the larynx, internal ear, and eye lens are already forming, although you’d have to be a trained expert to recognize them for what they’re going to be in the future. Likewise, tiny bumps are forming on your little embryo which will eventually be their cute little arms, elbows, fingers, legs, knees and toes. What’s more your little swimmer will have a teeny tiny tail by the end of this week-- but don’t worry, it’s just the end of their developing spinal cord! A microscopic photo would reveal what seems to be their vertebrae filling out the spine and tail. Although they aren’t bones yet, but rather, the “bone seeds” that will give rise to your baby's tiny vertebrae, ribs and sternum.

And how's mom doing? This week is not unlike the previous weeks; your pregnancy symptoms may be increasing, as expected. In fact, the earliest symptoms of morning sickness may set in for some women at this time. The not-so-lovely symptoms run the normal flu gamut including: nausea and vomiting. Although this typically occurs in the morning and resolves itself by midday, morning sickness can come at any time, day or night, so—for some of you, you’ll just have to make frequent stops throughout the day to kneel before the porcelain throne. In general, most pregnant women don’t experience morning sickness until their sixth week, but it never hurts to know what vomit-y fate may be awaiting you.

Morning sickness is due to several changes that are taking place in your body. First, you are now pumping out significantly larger amounts of estrogen and progesterone than normal, and your body is not used to this. Interactions between the hormones and your stomach result in the less-than-wonderful nausea. Also, your GI-tract is much more sensitive and some doctors theorize that this sensitivity is potentially the whole reason for morning sickness: to clear your system of any toxic food by-products which—although fine for your adult stomach, could cause considerable harm to your baby’s newly forming digestive tract and other body systems . If it helps, you could always think of the morning sickness as a baby-facilitated body cleanse.

(http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/calendar/week4)

Happy

I think it's safe to say that the past few days have been some of the most enjoyable, happy, content days I have ever experienced. I just feel so at peace. There are moments during the day where I am busy doing something and I forget that I am pregnant, and when I remember it's like a burst of adrenaline and joy. Being pregnant = joy. I can't even explain it really. People look at you differently, talk to you differently, just treat you differently in general. I love it. I just feel so special.

I had my first appointment on Thursday. It was with a nurse midwife at my doctor's office. My mom came with me. They had to do a pregnancy test for insurance purposes (of course it was positive) and she gave me some information concerning early pregnancy and setup my first prenatal appointment for Friday, March 12th. I love doing things related to the baby. I get excited at night to swallow the 6 different pills they have me taking (4 Metformin, 1 HUGE prenatal vitamin, and 1 progesterone supplement). At my first prenatal appointment they will do our first ultrasound. I will be 7 weeks. I cannot WAIT! I can't imagine any better feeling than seeing your first baby for the first time on an ultrasound monitor and seeing/hearing the heartbeat. I am praying Jimmy is able to take off early to come to the appointment with me, but if not my mom is going to come.

In other news, I have to work tomorrow (groan) and I have a test on Monday that I haven't spent a second of time preparing for. I missed 2 of the 3 classes for this Unit (which is VERY unlike me) because I was sick one day and then the other day was this past Tuesday when I found out I was pregnant and nothing else in the world mattered for the rest of the day but celebrating. So, pray that I learn what I need to in order to get a 90 or above on this test! I don't like anything less than a 90 :o)

I am going to crawl into my nice comfy bed and get some much needed sleep.

Oh, and I have not had a single ounce of caffeine (like Coke or Mountain Dew, my addictions) since last weekend. Caffeine has been related to miscarriage, so I am not touching the stuff! I am proud of my self-control though!

Goodnight!

How Big Is Baby?

How Big Is Baby?

Miracles do happen

Let me start off by saying that out of ALL the months I wanted to be pregnant, this was the most unexpected of them all. It was my first month on a new (very expensive) fertility medicine, but leading up to the day I was supposed to ovulate I was extremely stressed out with school and other things in life. I think I cried every day leading up to ovulation. Everything I have read says that stress can delay ovulation, or make you not ovulate at all. So when I got the "egg" on my Clear Blue Fertility Monitor on February 4th, I was very shocked:


So, after seeing this and realizing that I had clinical that day, and the next day, and realizing that meant we would not be able to do IUI as planned, I was upset, but not as upset as I would have expected I would be. Maybe this was God trying to tell me something?

Then I started thinking about how we had "done the deed" Tuesday night, which would have been perfect timing for natural conception. Just in case, though, we "did the deed" Thursday night as well. I am glad I remember these two nights, because I know that one of them created this miracle we are about to welcome into our family.

So, I really didn't give it much thought after that. My friends, as usual, asked the same "do you think you're pregnant?" questions, and then last Friday at clinical I was nauseated most of the day... and this past Monday I was starving and craving weird salty things, like chicken noodle soup, to which my co-worker said "you are SO pregnant!" (Note: she has said this every month for the past few months, lol) to which I just rolled my eyes.

Fast forward to Tuesday morning. I had class from 8:00-12:00 so I got up at 6:20ish to take a quick shower. Jimmy usually leaves with his carpool around 6:30. I wasn't due for my period until Thursday (tomorrow) but for some reason I wanted to do a pregnancy test. So, I pulled out my wonderful Dollar Store test (best value ever) and did my thing. I proceeded to do stuff around the bathroom in preparation of my shower, and glanced at the test out of the corner of my eye and thought "man, I really hate seeing negatives, why do I do this to myself?" I decided to give it another minute before looking. If any moment in my life has taken my breath away, it was the moment I looked at that test and saw "something".

I had NEVER seen a second line on a test, and this one was very faint, but it was there. I grabbed the test, started hyperventilating, ran out into the family room where Jimmy was standing watching TV and eating his breakfast, and said "I'm going to pass out!" and ran into the hall where the bright light was on. Jimmy followed me. I asked him if he saw what I saw, and he said "yeah, it's really light though" and I said "that doesn't matter!! It's because it's early. OH MY GOD! I'M PREGNANT!" and of course I started crying, Jimmy got a huge smile on his face, and I called my mother straight away (who FREAKED OUT. I thought she was going to hyperventilate, too!) Unfortunately this is the time Jimmy's carpool arrived, so we only had about a minute to share together. I called everyone I could think to call after he left (Jimmy wanted to call his mom, so I left that one to him even though it was killing me!) I took my shower, and since I had to pee again when I got out I decided to take the last Dollar Store test I had:

Soooo, I had decided I couldn't go to school this excited, and decided instead to go to Walgreens to get some digital pregnancy tests for confirmation. I bought four (yes, 4) digital pregnancy tests and went to my parent's house. The first one was a Clearblue Digital, which quickly said "pregnant!" I don't have a picture of this one, it's at my mom's house. But I later took a First Response Digital and it said:

I took another First Response Digital this morning, which also said yes. Then tonight, like a crazy person, I had Jimmy crack open the digital tests so I could see the line progression (to make sure my HCG pregnancy hormone was rising adequately... and it is!)

The one on top is from the Clearblue digital, the first digital I took. The second one from the top is the First Response digital I took yesterday, and the last one on the bottom is the First Response digital I took this morning... notice how much darker the line is!! That means the baby is growing!

So, in conclusion, even though I knew the whole time that God was in control and had a plan for us, this really is nothing short of a miracle. We did it ALL ON OUR OWN! I feel so accomplished and am believing Phillipians 1:6 right now... "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."

We are so blessed.