Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Miracles do happen
Let me start off by saying that out of ALL the months I wanted to be pregnant, this was the most unexpected of them all. It was my first month on a new (very expensive) fertility medicine, but leading up to the day I was supposed to ovulate I was extremely stressed out with school and other things in life. I think I cried every day leading up to ovulation. Everything I have read says that stress can delay ovulation, or make you not ovulate at all. So when I got the "egg" on my Clear Blue Fertility Monitor on February 4th, I was very shocked:
So, after seeing this and realizing that I had clinical that day, and the next day, and realizing that meant we would not be able to do IUI as planned, I was upset, but not as upset as I would have expected I would be. Maybe this was God trying to tell me something?
Then I started thinking about how we had "done the deed" Tuesday night, which would have been perfect timing for natural conception. Just in case, though, we "did the deed" Thursday night as well. I am glad I remember these two nights, because I know that one of them created this miracle we are about to welcome into our family.
So, I really didn't give it much thought after that. My friends, as usual, asked the same "do you think you're pregnant?" questions, and then last Friday at clinical I was nauseated most of the day... and this past Monday I was starving and craving weird salty things, like chicken noodle soup, to which my co-worker said "you are SO pregnant!" (Note: she has said this every month for the past few months, lol) to which I just rolled my eyes.
Fast forward to Tuesday morning. I had class from 8:00-12:00 so I got up at 6:20ish to take a quick shower. Jimmy usually leaves with his carpool around 6:30. I wasn't due for my period until Thursday (tomorrow) but for some reason I wanted to do a pregnancy test. So, I pulled out my wonderful Dollar Store test (best value ever) and did my thing. I proceeded to do stuff around the bathroom in preparation of my shower, and glanced at the test out of the corner of my eye and thought "man, I really hate seeing negatives, why do I do this to myself?" I decided to give it another minute before looking. If any moment in my life has taken my breath away, it was the moment I looked at that test and saw "something".
I had NEVER seen a second line on a test, and this one was very faint, but it was there. I grabbed the test, started hyperventilating, ran out into the family room where Jimmy was standing watching TV and eating his breakfast, and said "I'm going to pass out!" and ran into the hall where the bright light was on. Jimmy followed me. I asked him if he saw what I saw, and he said "yeah, it's really light though" and I said "that doesn't matter!! It's because it's early. OH MY GOD! I'M PREGNANT!" and of course I started crying, Jimmy got a huge smile on his face, and I called my mother straight away (who FREAKED OUT. I thought she was going to hyperventilate, too!) Unfortunately this is the time Jimmy's carpool arrived, so we only had about a minute to share together. I called everyone I could think to call after he left (Jimmy wanted to call his mom, so I left that one to him even though it was killing me!) I took my shower, and since I had to pee again when I got out I decided to take the last Dollar Store test I had:
Soooo, I had decided I couldn't go to school this excited, and decided instead to go to Walgreens to get some digital pregnancy tests for confirmation. I bought four (yes, 4) digital pregnancy tests and went to my parent's house. The first one was a Clearblue Digital, which quickly said "pregnant!" I don't have a picture of this one, it's at my mom's house. But I later took a First Response Digital and it said:
I took another First Response Digital this morning, which also said yes. Then tonight, like a crazy person, I had Jimmy crack open the digital tests so I could see the line progression (to make sure my HCG pregnancy hormone was rising adequately... and it is!)
The one on top is from the Clearblue digital, the first digital I took. The second one from the top is the First Response digital I took yesterday, and the last one on the bottom is the First Response digital I took this morning... notice how much darker the line is!! That means the baby is growing!
So, in conclusion, even though I knew the whole time that God was in control and had a plan for us, this really is nothing short of a miracle. We did it ALL ON OUR OWN! I feel so accomplished and am believing Phillipians 1:6 right now... "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
We are so blessed.
So, after seeing this and realizing that I had clinical that day, and the next day, and realizing that meant we would not be able to do IUI as planned, I was upset, but not as upset as I would have expected I would be. Maybe this was God trying to tell me something?
Then I started thinking about how we had "done the deed" Tuesday night, which would have been perfect timing for natural conception. Just in case, though, we "did the deed" Thursday night as well. I am glad I remember these two nights, because I know that one of them created this miracle we are about to welcome into our family.
So, I really didn't give it much thought after that. My friends, as usual, asked the same "do you think you're pregnant?" questions, and then last Friday at clinical I was nauseated most of the day... and this past Monday I was starving and craving weird salty things, like chicken noodle soup, to which my co-worker said "you are SO pregnant!" (Note: she has said this every month for the past few months, lol) to which I just rolled my eyes.
Fast forward to Tuesday morning. I had class from 8:00-12:00 so I got up at 6:20ish to take a quick shower. Jimmy usually leaves with his carpool around 6:30. I wasn't due for my period until Thursday (tomorrow) but for some reason I wanted to do a pregnancy test. So, I pulled out my wonderful Dollar Store test (best value ever) and did my thing. I proceeded to do stuff around the bathroom in preparation of my shower, and glanced at the test out of the corner of my eye and thought "man, I really hate seeing negatives, why do I do this to myself?" I decided to give it another minute before looking. If any moment in my life has taken my breath away, it was the moment I looked at that test and saw "something".
I had NEVER seen a second line on a test, and this one was very faint, but it was there. I grabbed the test, started hyperventilating, ran out into the family room where Jimmy was standing watching TV and eating his breakfast, and said "I'm going to pass out!" and ran into the hall where the bright light was on. Jimmy followed me. I asked him if he saw what I saw, and he said "yeah, it's really light though" and I said "that doesn't matter!! It's because it's early. OH MY GOD! I'M PREGNANT!" and of course I started crying, Jimmy got a huge smile on his face, and I called my mother straight away (who FREAKED OUT. I thought she was going to hyperventilate, too!) Unfortunately this is the time Jimmy's carpool arrived, so we only had about a minute to share together. I called everyone I could think to call after he left (Jimmy wanted to call his mom, so I left that one to him even though it was killing me!) I took my shower, and since I had to pee again when I got out I decided to take the last Dollar Store test I had:
Soooo, I had decided I couldn't go to school this excited, and decided instead to go to Walgreens to get some digital pregnancy tests for confirmation. I bought four (yes, 4) digital pregnancy tests and went to my parent's house. The first one was a Clearblue Digital, which quickly said "pregnant!" I don't have a picture of this one, it's at my mom's house. But I later took a First Response Digital and it said:
I took another First Response Digital this morning, which also said yes. Then tonight, like a crazy person, I had Jimmy crack open the digital tests so I could see the line progression (to make sure my HCG pregnancy hormone was rising adequately... and it is!)
The one on top is from the Clearblue digital, the first digital I took. The second one from the top is the First Response digital I took yesterday, and the last one on the bottom is the First Response digital I took this morning... notice how much darker the line is!! That means the baby is growing!
So, in conclusion, even though I knew the whole time that God was in control and had a plan for us, this really is nothing short of a miracle. We did it ALL ON OUR OWN! I feel so accomplished and am believing Phillipians 1:6 right now... "being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus."
We are so blessed.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Wow, I haven't blogged since November!
I can't believe I haven't blogged since November 20th. Although, I haven't really had much to blog about. Thanksgiving and Christmas were busy and wonderful. I finished my second to last term of nursing school and am officially in my LAST term! I am so thankful to have gotten clinical scheduled at the hospital by my house. It will save me a good 45 minutes every morning since I won't have to drive down town! This hospital is literally a 2 minute drive, and it's brand new so it's really nice, clean and upscale.
I finally started my period today. I went 93 DAYS without it! I ended up going to my wonderful doctor a week and a half ago and she was less than pleased that the medicines she prescribed weren't working. So she gave me two NEW prescriptions, one to make me have a period (it worked!) and one VERY expensive fertility medicine. I will start the medicine on "day 3" (Wednesday) and take it for 5 days. Then I have to schedule a hysterosalpinogram ("HSG") which is a procedure to make sure my fallopian tubes are clear and open (often times, this procedure alone helps a woman get pregnant... lots of crud can tend to block the tubes, and this procedure can force them open if that is the case). I will do the HSG on the 26th or 27th hopefully, depending on when I stop bleeding.
The most exciting part is that my doctor agreed that it is time to move on to IUI (intrauterine insemination) with "sperm washing" (where they centrifuge the semen to where the good sperm are at the top and then they siphon them off and insert them directly into the uterus). This is one of the only options we have since Jimmy has low morphology. Hopefully it works because it won't be cheap!
Speaking of pregnancy, my friend Sarah is due any day now (well, she isn't due until Feb. 6th, but she is already 3 cm dilated and 70% effaced... so it will literally be any day!) I am excited to meet this little guy. It is neat to have known Sarah before she even started thinking about baby #2, and now she is about the have him. Not to mention I will have a little baby to play with! It will keep me sane for a little while.
Well, that is about all I have. I am off to fill out health insurance forms with Jimmy now. He finally got into the police academy (thank God!) and is about to begin his 3rd week. That was definitely a blessing and couldn't have been timed better (he graduated with his bachelor's on December 11th). I am so proud of him and can't wait for us to BOTH be done with school! May 3rd can't come soon enough!
I finally started my period today. I went 93 DAYS without it! I ended up going to my wonderful doctor a week and a half ago and she was less than pleased that the medicines she prescribed weren't working. So she gave me two NEW prescriptions, one to make me have a period (it worked!) and one VERY expensive fertility medicine. I will start the medicine on "day 3" (Wednesday) and take it for 5 days. Then I have to schedule a hysterosalpinogram ("HSG") which is a procedure to make sure my fallopian tubes are clear and open (often times, this procedure alone helps a woman get pregnant... lots of crud can tend to block the tubes, and this procedure can force them open if that is the case). I will do the HSG on the 26th or 27th hopefully, depending on when I stop bleeding.
The most exciting part is that my doctor agreed that it is time to move on to IUI (intrauterine insemination) with "sperm washing" (where they centrifuge the semen to where the good sperm are at the top and then they siphon them off and insert them directly into the uterus). This is one of the only options we have since Jimmy has low morphology. Hopefully it works because it won't be cheap!
Speaking of pregnancy, my friend Sarah is due any day now (well, she isn't due until Feb. 6th, but she is already 3 cm dilated and 70% effaced... so it will literally be any day!) I am excited to meet this little guy. It is neat to have known Sarah before she even started thinking about baby #2, and now she is about the have him. Not to mention I will have a little baby to play with! It will keep me sane for a little while.
Well, that is about all I have. I am off to fill out health insurance forms with Jimmy now. He finally got into the police academy (thank God!) and is about to begin his 3rd week. That was definitely a blessing and couldn't have been timed better (he graduated with his bachelor's on December 11th). I am so proud of him and can't wait for us to BOTH be done with school! May 3rd can't come soon enough!
Friday, November 20, 2009
Bad news, but not giving up hope
The results came in for Jimmy's semen analysis that he had done last week. I got a call this morning from a nurse at my doctor's office. I knew getting a call was a bad sign straight away. I must give her credit for sounding perky, though. She ALMOST had me fooled! Here is what a semen analysis SHOULD be:
volume of ejaculate 2.0 ml or more
pH 7.2-8.0
sperm concentration 20 million per ml spermatozoa or more
total sperm count 40 million per ml spermatozoa per ejaculate or more
motility 50% or more with forward progression
morphology 30% or more with normal forms
vitality 75% or more live,i.e.,excluding dye
white blood cells fewer than 1 million per ml
The nurse didn't give me all of the values, she just stated that it was "abnormal" because his morphology was at 1%. If you notice above, it should be at 30%... so that is quite a drastic difference. My doctor wants to have Jimmy repeat the test in 4 weeks (6 weeks from when he had it done the first time). They said it's on a "sample to sample basis" so it could have been a bad sample, but I can't imagine there being THAT big of a difference from sample to sample, you know? He was sick with a fever right before giving the sample, but I can't imagine that making a difference.
Anyway, I am not giving up hope. We will continue trying (although I am DONE taking Clomid... what's the point? I am just going to take the Metformin and let my body sort itself out) and if I don't get pregnant by the time I graduate and get an RN job, then we will look into IVF. I just can't imagine spending $10,000+ to get pregnant, but if that is our only option then so be it. I would much rather use that money toward our child's future, but this is the hand we have been dealt.
I have to remain thankful for everything else in my life, though. I see so many terrible situations when I go to clinical... teenage girls with spina bifida that are mentally normal but their body is deformed in some way. I am very thankful that I am "normal" in all other ways aside from this infertility stuff. I am healthy, have a great husband, great family, great friends, own a house, almost done with school and will soon have my dream job. As bad as it hurts to be dealing with these infertility issues, so many people have it worse, so I have to put things in perspective.
Oh, and did I mention that my sister Heather just announced she is 10-weeks pregnant with her second child? I thought I was going to have an emotional breakdown when I found out earlier this week. I am happy for her, but it was just a kick in the stomach! One of those moments where I feel like everyone is normal but me. Perspective, Rachel, perspective.
Have a good weekend!
volume of ejaculate 2.0 ml or more
pH 7.2-8.0
sperm concentration 20 million per ml spermatozoa or more
total sperm count 40 million per ml spermatozoa per ejaculate or more
motility 50% or more with forward progression
morphology 30% or more with normal forms
vitality 75% or more live,i.e.,excluding dye
white blood cells fewer than 1 million per ml
The nurse didn't give me all of the values, she just stated that it was "abnormal" because his morphology was at 1%. If you notice above, it should be at 30%... so that is quite a drastic difference. My doctor wants to have Jimmy repeat the test in 4 weeks (6 weeks from when he had it done the first time). They said it's on a "sample to sample basis" so it could have been a bad sample, but I can't imagine there being THAT big of a difference from sample to sample, you know? He was sick with a fever right before giving the sample, but I can't imagine that making a difference.
Anyway, I am not giving up hope. We will continue trying (although I am DONE taking Clomid... what's the point? I am just going to take the Metformin and let my body sort itself out) and if I don't get pregnant by the time I graduate and get an RN job, then we will look into IVF. I just can't imagine spending $10,000+ to get pregnant, but if that is our only option then so be it. I would much rather use that money toward our child's future, but this is the hand we have been dealt.
I have to remain thankful for everything else in my life, though. I see so many terrible situations when I go to clinical... teenage girls with spina bifida that are mentally normal but their body is deformed in some way. I am very thankful that I am "normal" in all other ways aside from this infertility stuff. I am healthy, have a great husband, great family, great friends, own a house, almost done with school and will soon have my dream job. As bad as it hurts to be dealing with these infertility issues, so many people have it worse, so I have to put things in perspective.
Oh, and did I mention that my sister Heather just announced she is 10-weeks pregnant with her second child? I thought I was going to have an emotional breakdown when I found out earlier this week. I am happy for her, but it was just a kick in the stomach! One of those moments where I feel like everyone is normal but me. Perspective, Rachel, perspective.
Have a good weekend!
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
A down sort of day
Today was supposed to be a relaxing day off with my husband, but instead I had to go to the hospital to do some stuff for clinical tomorrow. I am "team leader" tomorrow so I had to pick up assignments. I was there for 3 hours... got there at 9:30 left at 12:30... then I had lunch with 3 friends (the highlight of my day) and then went home and called my team members to give them their assignments. After that I had to do a ton of research for the patients I assigned to my team. I literally JUST finished everything and it's 9:30. So for the past 12 hours I have been doing schoolwork nonstop.
To top that off, I have been feeling really down about not being able to get pregnant. I am just in disbelief that this is happening to us. I think the past few months I have been in some sort of denial, thinking I will get pregnant despite what the doctor has said... but realization and fear is setting in. What if we aren't ever able to get pregnant? I have faith in God, and I whole-heartily believe that he has a plan for us, and he knows better than we do, but I just can't shake this sadness. I have been on fertility medicine the past 3 months that has yet to work. I do NOT want to have to resort to invitro fertilization. It costs well over $10,000 which we wouldn't be ale to afford for AT LEAST another year... and I just don't want to wait that long. That means I won't have a baby to hold in my arms for at least 2 years, if we resort to IVF in a year. I can't imagine being 27 without a baby. I can hardly imagine being 25 without a baby, which is now inevitable. I always wanted to be a younger mother, and I have always wanted 3 kids. I won't have much time (or money) for 3 kids at the rate we are going.
Sorry for the rant, but whoever reads this blog, please pray for us. Pray that we get pregnant soon, and pray that if I am never able to get pregnant that I can find peace with that and not drive myself (and my poor husband) crazy for the rest of my (our) life.
On a happier note, I got a 96 on my first Pediatric Nursing exam. I was excited. Sadly, that is the only happy news I have to share today.
To top that off, I have been feeling really down about not being able to get pregnant. I am just in disbelief that this is happening to us. I think the past few months I have been in some sort of denial, thinking I will get pregnant despite what the doctor has said... but realization and fear is setting in. What if we aren't ever able to get pregnant? I have faith in God, and I whole-heartily believe that he has a plan for us, and he knows better than we do, but I just can't shake this sadness. I have been on fertility medicine the past 3 months that has yet to work. I do NOT want to have to resort to invitro fertilization. It costs well over $10,000 which we wouldn't be ale to afford for AT LEAST another year... and I just don't want to wait that long. That means I won't have a baby to hold in my arms for at least 2 years, if we resort to IVF in a year. I can't imagine being 27 without a baby. I can hardly imagine being 25 without a baby, which is now inevitable. I always wanted to be a younger mother, and I have always wanted 3 kids. I won't have much time (or money) for 3 kids at the rate we are going.
Sorry for the rant, but whoever reads this blog, please pray for us. Pray that we get pregnant soon, and pray that if I am never able to get pregnant that I can find peace with that and not drive myself (and my poor husband) crazy for the rest of my (our) life.
On a happier note, I got a 96 on my first Pediatric Nursing exam. I was excited. Sadly, that is the only happy news I have to share today.
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I am terrible at this blogging thing
I haven't posted a new blog in forever. I'm not even sure where to begin. I just finished OB nursing. Got an A in the class (a 97!!) which I am very happy about. I only have two more classes until I graduate... two!!! Can you believe it? I will be in pediatric nursing the next 8 weeks (finishing right before Christmas break) and then in the Spring, starting in January, I will begin a 12-week class for Adult Health 2 (aka, medical-surgical nursing part 2). Then the very last thing we do is "role transformation" which I don't count as a class because basically it's 3 weeks of being a nurse, but you are shadowing another nurse. You have to do three 12-hour shifts per week, including two shifts that are over night (yikes!). I can't begin to express how happy I will be when they hand me that degree on stage on April 27th, 2010!! I will finally be an R.N. like I always wanted to be.
In other news, my mom had a hysterectomy exactly three weeks ago. She had a very large fibroid in her uterus that was causing her a lot of problems so they opted for a hysterectomy. She was very nervous about it beforehand but is glad she had it done and is feeling much better. They left her ovaries in so she won't have any hormonal problems until she goes through menopause.
An update on baby making... I'm not pregnant yet, but my last cycle of medicine was a success in that it made me ovulate. I was so excited... I think my level of excitement was similar to what it will be when I find out I am pregnant. So I just started my next cycle with this medicine, and am coupling it with a very expensive fertility monitor. I hope it works this first month, but at the same time... it would be weird to have spent so much money on something I only used once, you know? I won't complain though!
We painted our family room and kitchen this past weekend. The family room is basically the same color, but the paint that was there had a shiny, metallic finish that didn't turn out right and I have been wanting to paint it ever since. The kitchen, however, is a different color. I was tired of the pink and there were a couple areas where we tried to color match the paint and do some touch ups, but it ended up not being the same color and looked really bad. I will post pictures later.
In sad news, a 7-year-old little girl went missing after school on Monday here in Jacksonville. She had an argument with a friend and stormed off, and never did make it home, so people were searching, cops and FBI were involved... an Amber Alert was issued. Yesterday afternoon around 4:00pm they found the body of a small white female child in a landfill in Georgia where our trash is dumped. They confirmed this morning that it was the little girl's body. The part of Jacksonville where she went missing is VERY close, within a couple miles, of where my niece lives, who is also 7. The story just breaks my heart and makes me fear for Makenna's safety. You just can't keep a close enough eye on children these days. I am sad that my children won't be allowed to play outside alone from dawn 'til dusk like I was able to do when I was growing up. Childhood just won't be the same for the new generations of children thanks to this sick world.
That is about all for now. I am going to a concert in Orlando this weekend with my best friend Kelli. I am so excited!!
Take care!
In other news, my mom had a hysterectomy exactly three weeks ago. She had a very large fibroid in her uterus that was causing her a lot of problems so they opted for a hysterectomy. She was very nervous about it beforehand but is glad she had it done and is feeling much better. They left her ovaries in so she won't have any hormonal problems until she goes through menopause.
An update on baby making... I'm not pregnant yet, but my last cycle of medicine was a success in that it made me ovulate. I was so excited... I think my level of excitement was similar to what it will be when I find out I am pregnant. So I just started my next cycle with this medicine, and am coupling it with a very expensive fertility monitor. I hope it works this first month, but at the same time... it would be weird to have spent so much money on something I only used once, you know? I won't complain though!
We painted our family room and kitchen this past weekend. The family room is basically the same color, but the paint that was there had a shiny, metallic finish that didn't turn out right and I have been wanting to paint it ever since. The kitchen, however, is a different color. I was tired of the pink and there were a couple areas where we tried to color match the paint and do some touch ups, but it ended up not being the same color and looked really bad. I will post pictures later.
In sad news, a 7-year-old little girl went missing after school on Monday here in Jacksonville. She had an argument with a friend and stormed off, and never did make it home, so people were searching, cops and FBI were involved... an Amber Alert was issued. Yesterday afternoon around 4:00pm they found the body of a small white female child in a landfill in Georgia where our trash is dumped. They confirmed this morning that it was the little girl's body. The part of Jacksonville where she went missing is VERY close, within a couple miles, of where my niece lives, who is also 7. The story just breaks my heart and makes me fear for Makenna's safety. You just can't keep a close enough eye on children these days. I am sad that my children won't be allowed to play outside alone from dawn 'til dusk like I was able to do when I was growing up. Childhood just won't be the same for the new generations of children thanks to this sick world.
That is about all for now. I am going to a concert in Orlando this weekend with my best friend Kelli. I am so excited!!
Take care!
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